I'm in a Very Punny Mood! Just for fun.

Some of these are retreads, but mostly very clever! If you didn't know what a cornball I am, now ya do!



 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
 out to be an optical Aleutian.

 3.  She was only a whiskey
 maker, but he loved her still.

 4.  A rubber band pistol was
 confiscated from algebra class, because it was
a weapon of math disruption.

 5.  No matter how much you push the envelope,
 it'll still be stationery.

 6.  A dog gave birth to puppies
 near the road and was cited for littering.

 7.  A grenade
 thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
 Linoleum Blownapart.

 8.  Two silk worms had a race. They
 ended up in a tie.

 9.  A hole has been found in the nudist
 camp wall.  The police are looking
into it.

10.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

11.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.  Two hats were hanging on a hat
 rack in the hallway.  One hat said to
the other: 'You stay here; I'll
 go on a head.'

13.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting
 bigger. Then it hit me.

14.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab
 center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.  The midget fortune-teller
 who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.

16.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
 seasoned veteran.

17.  A backward poet writes
 inverse.

18.  In a democracy it's your vote that counts.  In
 feudalism it's your count that votes.

19.  When cannibals ate a
 missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.  If you jumped off
 the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21.  A vulture boards an
 airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The
stewardess looks at him and
 says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger.'


23.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
 they lit a fire in the
craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
 again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

24.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The
 other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm
 positive.'

25.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
 Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental
 medication.

26.  There was the person who sent ten puns to
 friends, with the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
  No pun in ten did.